The Joy of Normal

I am going to visit the topic of infertlity but from an odd place.  Most people talk about the proccess and coming to peace with whatever happens.  And I have done these things but what about after that time.  You are not trying to get pregnant anymore; or you have gotten pregnant and you are done; or whatever your situation.  But what do you do when something "normal" for everyone else happens to you.  How do you feel?  What do you think?  I am not sure what others think but here is my experience recently.

It is a little hard to explain but there are things in life that normal for most people but for some people with infertlity there is nothing normal about it.  With all the drugs or testing you often feel like a pin cushion or science experiment or just "weird" or abnormal.  You come to terms with the fact you are never going to be "normal."  So when your body does something normal you are excited.  You go wow and then you start to wonder again.

Do I suddenly expect something to change.  To just say no is not totally true but it is sort of odd.  It crosses my mind but usually not enough to take a test or prusue it.  And then it goes to the back burner.  For me there isn't an extreme high or low anymore.  But normal in itself is exciting.  Maybe because it makes me feel less like a freak and more like everyone else.  "Normal" may only be a moment in time or may become a part regular part of my life.  Either way I am enjoying my normal moment.

To women and/or men dealing with infertlity enjoy the moments of normal.  Enjoy them for not what they could mean but just for being normal.  For me that is the joy of "Normal."

When God is Sovereign has to be Enough

This post is result of a mix of experiences lately and a recent lesson from Job in Sabbath School class. We were looking at Job. Job starts out with Satan and God discussing Job. God says Job is a righteous man and Satan says let me have at him and see if that really is the case. And Job does well despite losing everything. I mean everything...family, stuff, friends and health. Through it all he doesn't waver in his faith. At the end he does ask God for an explanation of why all this happens. We as the reader go that is obvious but God doesn't give Job the answer we expect. He spends the last chapters of Job reminding Job that He is God and sometimes only He gets to know why. Basically the only answer Job gets is I AM and that is enough. God does bless Job and Job is okay with God answer. This hard for people to accept that God is in control and sometime this side of heaven we just don't get to know. But like Job and God's answer to Job we can hold on to these facts. God made the universe and is in control of the parts that I don't even know about. And if this is so God is control of the parts of my life that I don't understand. God knows the beginning and the end and He knows my beginning and end. He knows the why and how things happen. I must learn to say as Job did "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted". This is not an easy place to come to be but it is a place a peace. So how does this relate to me and coming to peace with that fact that God is Sovereign and that is enough. I would define Sovereign as in control of all things and knowing all that has happened, all that is happening and all that will happen. It relates back to my journey through and my life with infertility. I can not explain why some couples suddenly get pregnant. Some who have not had treatment and others that have. Is it possible that I could get pregnant. Yes. Is it probable. No. If I would get pregnant would it be a God thing. Totally. However if I never get pregnant that is okay. Because the same God that could make pregnancy so may choose not to do it in this case. And that is where the sovereign thing comes in to play. I love my God even when I don't get the answer I want. Does God prohibit the questions. No, look at Job and Psalms. But if Job teaches me nothing else it is sometimes it just has to be enough that He is God and that He loves me. So what is my answer to my life with infertility, God is Sovereign and that is enough.

Thoughts on Infertility

I have been thinking a lot lately about my journey through infertility and where it has led me. But more the fact that everyone's journey is different and may lead to a different result. I believe the Lord has a journey for every woman and that he has a special and unique result for each one. Their journey may be shorter or longer than mine and that is okay. My journey has taken me through infertility treatments, waiting, trusting and believing the Lord has a plan. His plan for me led to a pursuit of an international adoption and Aaron. But the journey for someone else may end with a very special birth child. Another's journey may lead to contentment without children. Another's may lead to fostering children. Another may lead to a domestic adoption. Everyone's journey is different but the Lord goes with you and if you allow it He can use it.