But what if...

I  am going to share something about my infertility journey and if is TMI(too much information) I apologize but maybe it will help someone.  I took a pregnancy test a few weeks ago - NO I AM NOT PREGNANT.  But I thought I would share why and try to explain why.

For most of my adult I have not been normal and every 3 to 4 months for many years I would take a pregnancy test before I took some medication.  I never really thought I would be pregnant when I took these tests they were simply a way of confirming it was okay to take the medication.

Fast forward, we are in the middle of our 3rd adoption and we are beginning to see the end in sight and for the last year I have been relatively normal.  I have not had to take the periodic pregnancy tests or the medication.  I realized that things were not normal a few weeks ago.

That is when my head began to spin and all the possibilities began to swirl.  The question became is this possible and am I crazy. On a side note for those who are not familiar with my story, I have under gone infertility treatments but have never been pregnant.  But on the other side of it was what if it is possible.  They will stop the adoption - and that part of me want to scream NO - NO they can't stop it. But what if...

These are the conclusions I came to because of this recent experience.  Everyone conclusions will be different.

-I still desperately want to adopt my unknown child for which we are waiting.  The thought of someone having us stop the process because of the prospective of a birth child frustrates me.  I know why this is in place and every agency that we have worked with, and there have been 3, this is standing policy.  For me the prospect of a birth child doesn't change my desire for my child that is waiting.  For some it does and that is okay.  If something would happen I hope there are exceptions.

-There is fear involved.  What if I get pregnant and then miscarry.  What if we have told everybody and we all must journey through the pain.  Also when do you tell everybody and is deceptive not to tell the adoption agency till you are 3 months along.

-Hope that the impossible could happen but not obsession.  And a realization that my psyche can handle the unknown.

-Confidence that if it does happen that it is 100% a God thing and I will shout it to the mountain top.

-Finally that I am still okay with a No answer.

So here is where I stand and I know who stands with me.  What will happen in the future I do not know.  But as the song writer puts it -

 I don't know about tomorrow;
It may bring me poverty.
But the one who feeds the sparrow,
Is the one who stands by me.
And the path that is my portion
May be through the flame or flood;
But His presence goes before me
And I'm covered with His blood.

Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.

I know who holds my hand and more than that He saved me and He will carry me if need be.

Simple Strawberry Creation

I was going to make shortbread cookies from a box. I read the directions butter only or it is not as good.  With no butter in the house this was plan B.

I took refrigerator crescent rolls cut them into six squares.  I put them in the little custard cups.  Sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar.  Bake at 350 for 15 to 20 minutes.  When golden brown put strawberries in the cups top with cool whip.

The boys loved it.

More Summer

Dad wanted to go to Hershey Park with the family for his birthday. So six months after his birthday this was his birthday fun.  The kids had a bunch of firsts and we enjoyed a picnic lunch.

 Here are four of them on the twirly ride.  They thought it was great.  There is not a picture but the 3 A's tried out a mini drop ride and they thought that was great,  They also enjoyed the water show and checked out the little zoo.  But I think that their absolute favorite was the mini and grownup log ride.

A good time was had by all.  And the day ended with a stop at Hoss' which is one of Andrew's most favorite places to eat because they have all different kinds of soup and ice cream.

Summer adventures

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 I am so far behind that I am just now sharing some of our summer adventures.  The boys and their cousins enjoyed a trip to the local ballpark.  This is diesel dog.  Grandpop introduced them to the play section.

 To tired boys from too much fun at the grandparents in NC.

 Uncle Gabe creating a rocket.

Aaron cheesing it up.
As it has been snowing and cold.  It is fun to remember when it was warm and they wanted to be outside more then inside and played hours in the water.  I will be bringing you some more warm summer fun.

Peanut Butter Fudge

I thought I would share my peanut butter fudge recipe.  I can't take credit for it.  A gentleman named Merv that I worked with in McConnellsburg made this fudge ever year.  He gave us the recipe the year before he died.  Since then it has been my job to make the fudge.

2 sticks of margarine
4 cups of sugar
1.5 ounces (3 Tablespoons) corn syrup added to evaporated milk to equal 1 cup
1 teaspoon vanilla
18 ounces peanut butter
7 ounces marshmallow creme

Melt margarine and add sugar and corn syrup/milk mixture.  Bring to a boil stirring occasionally.  From a rapid boil time 5 minutes.  Remove heat and add vanilla, peanut butter and marshmallow creme.  Stir until you can find no more white creme.  Pour into greased 9 x 13 pan.  Cool and serve.

Notes: Can double without a problem use a jelly roll pan
             Can add nuts if you like.
             Crunchy peanut butter can be used
             Evaporated skim milk works just fine
            Butter seems to affect the texture but it is still good.
             Have used some splenda in a pinch but never for the whole thing

Bible School Adventures

Last year at Andrew's school a gentlemen brought a race track to school that he uses as a ministry.  It is called word of life FASCAR.  He brings the track and kids bring their matchbox/hotwheel cars and they race.  At the end he presents the gospel message.  We used this event to build a 3 day bible school.  Our theme verse was Hebrews 12:1.  Our theme was running the race.  Our bible stories included Paul - perseverance;  Nehemiah -Team work; Gospel Presentation - Finishing the Race.  We used Auto-B-Good DVDs to supplement and reinforce the theme.  We had wonderful help to lead groups, lessons, crafts, recreation and music.

Here is one of the races in action.

 Here is Mom leading music.

Here are our group winners.  

The kids really enjoyed this adventure and 3 days is longer than we have been doing recently but it worked well.  We will see what next year brings.

Crispie Rice Treats

I am serious about my crispie treats.  They are easy and quick to make.  They happen to be gluten and nut
free which is sometimes important.  But I thought I would share a few things I have learned from my own disasters.

1/4 cup butter/margarine, 1 bag marshmallow, 4 cups crispie rice cereal, 2 cup fruity rice cereal

Melt butter and marshmallow. Add cereal.  Place in greased  9 x 13 pan.  Flatten.  Cool and Serve.

Now to things learned.

Marshmallow creme did not work for me as a substitute.  It didn't stick together.
10 Campfire(jumbo) marshmallows = 1 bag of regular marshmallows.
The combo of fruity and regular make them look cool and like you worked hard with very little extra effort.
Adding too much butter makes it more sticky.
If you don't grease the pan they will stick.
Everything in your body wants to hurry up and push down the treats.  But if you wait a few minutes (~5min) it will work much better.  It won't stick to everything.
A quart sized zip lock bag is perfect for pushing down the treats into the dish.  Insert hand in bag.  Spray palm side of the bag and flatten.  No sticking and works better than a spatula.
Don't have a zip lock bag use sprayed wax paper or spatula.
Cut shapes and decorate using icing - easy edible fun.

Always cut and serve and pretend you worked hard.